TRANSCRIPT
Dreams Don't Have Expiration Dates with Cristela Alonzo
SEASON 1 · EPISODE 2
Gregory Allan Datu Cendana: Welcome to the #BeTheBossNow Podcast and I am your host Gregory Allan Datu Cendana, President and Co-Founder of Can’t Stop! Won’t Stop! Consulting, Chief Creative Officer of Greg Dances and #1 International Best Selling Author of Be the Boss Now Book: 15 Key Steps to Start, Run, and Grow Your Own Business.
So often, people don’t take risks because they are afraid of failure or rejection.
As an openly gay, Filipino American who was raised in a working class, immigrant, and Catholic household, these experiences shaped my values and the entrepreneur and leader I have become and led me to found and run different companies and nonprofits. I’ve also built a business that grew during the pandemic while creating opportunities and increasing access for people from diverse backgrounds.
The #BeTheBossNow podcast will lift up the stories of different folks who identify as Black, Indigenous, Latinx, Asian, Middle Eastern, woman, queer, people with disabilities, and those living at the intersections of multiple of these identities.
I believe there is a boss in ALL of us - especially for those of us who have historically lacked representation in leadership. Furthermore, when we embrace fear and failure as inspiration to guide us on our journeys, it will be for the better and in service to making our biggest, boldest and most audacious dreams a reality.
Gregory Allan Datu Cendana: Cristela Alonzo made history in 2014 when she became the first Latina to create, produce and star in her own network sitcom, Cristela, for ABC. During that same year, she split her time between Los Angeles and New York City to serve as one of ABC's favorite guest hosts on their hit daytime talk show The View. In 2017, Cristela made history again when she became the first Latina lead in a Disney Pixar film, when she voiced the part of Cruz Ramirez in Cars 3. Her first standup special, Lower Classy, is currently streaming on Netflix.
Cristela's memoir, Music to my Years, was released in October of 2019 by Atria books, an imprint of Simon and Schuster.
Aside from comedy Cristela focuses on advocacy work fighting for issues such as immigration, universal health care and lower income communities. She works with numerous organizations, including Special Olympics Texas and Planned Parenthood, and is a board member of LUPE, La Union del Pueblo Entero and an advisory board member for Define American.
All right. Well, thank you. Salamat, gracias Cristela, for being a guest on the Be the Boss Now Podcast, where we want to help people understand they have the agency and the freedom to decide what a boss means for them, to live their wildest dreams, and to make change in their communities. Um, so kick us off.
I would love to just hear from you around, what does it mean to you to be a boss?
Cristela Alonzo: You know, I think that to me, being a boss is about understanding and accepting that you're in control of your world and your surroundings, but being a boss is also being of service to others. You know, it's that thing where when we can control what we want and actually be able to make decisions and we can, you know, really kind of curate our experience... that actually allows us to be at a better place mentally and just spiritually, where we can actually be of service to other people. Being a boss for me means trying to help others. You know, it's that idea that, and I think it comes from like growing up in poverty where I never want people to go through what I've gone through.
Everybody should have it a little bit easier. Cause why do I wish struggle on anybody? If we don't have to, I know what that feels like. I hate that. I wouldn't wish it on anybody. You know? So for me, being a boss is understanding... this is the hardest lesson: understanding that you actually have some power. Working on confidence and understanding that you're there because you're capable of doing it.
And there's no room for self doubt. Sometimes the self doubt will creep in. You're wondering... should I be here? It's like, yes, that's why you're there. You know? And that's really hard. It's a really hard thing to accept because, you know, you're just like, especially being a lot of times, we don't seek out that. When we're children, we all pick these careers, you know?
Like I want to be a so-and-so when I grow up. Nobody ever says, "I want to be the boss," you know? So it's like a lesson that you're learning as you're actually becoming it.
Gregory Allan Datu Cendana: Right. Right. And I appreciate you naming that because I, I also feel like, at least for me, sometimes we often don't see ourselves or our people represented in different places.
So I'll say TV, movies, media, politics. And you, talked about kind of having that confidence, like what helped you in your journey to believe in yourself?
Cristela Alonzo: Knowing that I knew what was best for me.
Gregory Allan Datu Cendana: Mmmn.
Cristela Alonzo: That takes a long time. Because, see, I had a lot of self doubt and I still do, and I'm trying to silence it, but you know, the older I've gotten, I realized that your intuition and your gut will always be right.
Gregory Allan Datu Cendana: Mmmn.
Cristela Alonzo: Your intuition and your gut has been with you since you were born. But for some reason, so many times we like to pay attention, we like to listen to people that are just coming into your life saying, "I know what's going on. Let me tell you how this works." And you're thinking, "You know what? I think I know myself better. And what might've worked for you, doesn't work for me." And again, that's the thing about being a boss, right? Is that it's just so... anything and everything. It's so subjective to what it means. You don't have to follow any rules. You actually can make the rules as you go along. You know? So for me, it was being in situations, looking back where I thought, I remember thinking, "Oh, I don't know enough about this."
I should, uh, listen to other people who have been through this. And, you know, that said they wanted to help me. You know, but sometimes, and accepting help is great, but sometimes the help is actually people trying to make you become them and not actually having that chance for you to become your own boss.
And that just that's pointless. That - what's that, cause you're not, you know, it's that thing I've always said. I would rather fail by myself, fail knowing that I did it my way, than fail and wonder what would have happened if I had been myself.
Gregory Allan Datu Cendana: Right, right. No. I, the part, especially about you saying, like, "It's about making our own roles," really resonated, you know, as I've been talking with more folks, people have been saying, "Well, you know, what if I, um, don't want to necessarily be a Fortune 500 company, or what if I don't want to hire people?
And I just want to do smaller projects that are able to be for just me, and support me and maybe my family and loved ones?" And I said, "That's okay. Like, are you like, in addition to like making our own paths, like what success means for us will look different. What we're striving for and aspiring for will look different."
And for me, that's the beauty of it. And I appreciate you even lifting up like, like even as we bring folks to support us and, and to tap for support, like for help that sometimes we still have to stay grounded and it's important to stay grounded in who we are and what, and what we believe. And I think that sometimes as a, I find it, it has, has been a challenge sometimes, especially in a social media dominated world.
Um, and in a world where I think people are like thrive a lot in individual, individualism, while not necessarily recognizing like you can have your own framework or thinking or analysis that, that is that separate and different than what others may be thinking.
Cristela Alonzo: You know, it's actually, it's very interesting that, uh, you brought up a really great point about like how.
The levels of where we can work. You know, the Fortune [500], you know, like having the big company, having that big success, you know, it's always, I've always told people that for me, the biggest mistake, especially in like the Hollywood industry is I think you really kind of set yourself up for disappointment if you say, "My goal is to be rich and famous." Because the idea is, that's not specific. How much fame is enough? How much money is enough?
Gregory Allan Datu Cendana: Mmmn-hmmn.
Cristela Alonzo: So you're chasing this intangible thing that you're like, I'm never going to get to that point. You know? And then I started thinking for me, I just really liked to be able to do things that I want, and that I want to do.
I've said no to a lot of opportunities that people thought, "You're dumb. Like, what are you doing? Like this could just change your life." Like I'm like, but I, I didn't want to, I didn't want to do it. And people don't understand. But you not wanting to do it is a choice. There's this thing that, you know, in so many careers and so many jobs they want, you know, it's that hustle mentality, right?
It's like hustle, hustle, hustle. I don't use the word "hustle," you know, because to me, I feel like sometimes the word "hustle," it seems like it's non-stop, you know, and sometimes you have to understand that actually saying "No" is part of the job too, you know, and understanding where you belong and where you fit.
You know, after the 2016 election, when I took a break, when I kind of stepped away from stand-up, I realized, and just started focusing on community and just trying to be of service, to, you know, different groups, you know, so many of our similar friends that we have in common and, you know, I started thinking, "I love this place.
I love this place that I'm in." I love... I knew that I fell in love with this place that I was where stand-up and performing wasn't everything for me. Being in this other world and just being - and meeting and knowing people like you and like, you know, everybody, it's just like - like Carmen - and you know, it's, it's like this thing where like, it brings me so much joy to be allowed to just meet and know people like that.
And you realize that being a boss isn't just solely about work or making things like happen in your business, it's about actually being a boss in your life and understanding that you, you have to work to end up to be in the spot in that part of your life, where you want to be in and you want to actually be happy.
And a lot of times people associate like being a boss with like, money. And, you know, like clout and whatever it is, but sometimes it's about being happy and content, and that's so hard for so many people to understand.
Gregory Allan Datu Cendana: Yeah. So true. And I mean, as you were reflecting, um, one of the things that is also coming up for me is that so often I feel like people also don't take risks because they are afraid of failure, afraid of rejection and, you know, um, and I've, I feel like I'm, I'm learning even in real time that it's sometimes experiencing some setbacks or the failure is actually has taught me some of my own greatest lessons and strengthened my own sense of self and building that confidence within, within me.
Can, can you share with us a time when failure or rejection was your friend?
Cristela Alonzo: Oh man. You know, looking back at it, it wasn't my friend when it happened. But like I remember - so I moved out to L.A. This is the second time I've moved out to L.A. The first time, early early twenties, you know, I was going to come out here and act and everything, you know. And I come from a family where they couldn't understand what I wanted to do.
You know, the, the jobs that we had were all very, you know, blue collar, very like manual labor, you know? So it's like trying to follow a dream was already just at the basics was just insane to them. It was wild to them. Cause it was like, "no, but we're about survival. What is this thing where you chase a dream?"
Right. So when I moved to L.A., I just was so hungry for it. But you know, I couldn't, I couldn't get by, I couldn't survive here. And then my mom got sick. And then, you know, I got a call saying that my mom was on her deathbed. I'm like my God, I didn't even have money to fly home. And a friend of mine used miles to fly me home.
And I told them, I don't know how long I'll be back. I thought I was going to be gone for like a week, two weeks. And I get, I go home to my hometown to see my mom and she doesn't die. And she asks me to stay. And she asked me to stay with her to take care of her. And I had to say, yes, how do you say no? And I remember calling my roommates at the time and saying, "Uh, I know this is weird, but I can't come back.
You need to sell all my stuff. Or like, I don't know what to do." Like I had no idea what to do to be in that position. And I took care of my mom. And then she passed away, you know, sometime later and my family made it feel, uh, made me feel like I was stuck in Texas. You know, they're like, "well, you tried your dream and it didn't work.
So now, now you have to get a job." Like, you know, just, "you tried." And then I started - and it made me feel like a failure because the people that were close to me couldn't understand... that I was young and that I could keep following this dream. You know, I I've always said "dreams don't have expiration dates," you know?
And for some reason we're so good at telling everybody, "oh, well, you're too old - you're too old!" Or like, "you ran out of time." That's like the number one excuse. And it's like, you know, I've had so many conversations with a friend of mine where we talk about how like, uh, college is wasted on the youth.
Gregory Allan Datu Cendana: Mmmn.
Cristela Alonzo: You know, it's like this idea that you go to high school and you're a kid, and then you're expected to go to college and decide what you want to do for the rest of your life, you know what I mean?!
And it's insane because you're like, "What?! I, I, I don't even know how to do my laundry! And I have to pick a career for the rest of my life?!" So I've always said, it's like that thing where it's interesting to live a life to where you decide, "this is what I want. I'm going to go study this." And even then you don't have to have college nowadays.
You know, it's like the passion dominates the formal education, you know? So it's like this thing with the failure, with me feeling like a failure, I was just like, "man, I - maybe my family is right. Maybe I, maybe I give, like, maybe I need to give up." And then I thought, "No, I think I have to go." And for a while I stopped myself.
I'm like, "Yes, no. Yes, no." And my brother. My brother Eloy, who never really... I come from a very, like a closed-off family. Like, you know what I mean? We, we don't really, we're not, we've gotten better with emotions and telling each other how we feel, but it's almost like, um, the way that we express emotions with each other, it's like, we would shake hands almost, like, "I love you."
Like, you know what I mean? Very like, you know, it's like - and we wouldn't say, "I love you." It's just like, like, "Hey, hey, there." Like, like we got approved for a loan, you know? "Hey, how are you?" You know? So, um, my brother who was, you know, who's somewhat kind of closed-off... I remember we had this talk one day and he said, "You need to go out there.
And I think you need to go out there and try again." And it really threw me off because he wouldn't be the one to do it. Like he wouldn't be the one to say that. And I was like, "What?" I, I remember thinking like, "What is happening?" And he said, "Go and try. And remember, you can always come back."
Gregory Allan Datu Cendana: Mmmn.
Cristela Alonzo: "But remember that when you leave, we don't close up the city, we don't close up the town. And you can always come back.
There are no gates, there are no locks. So go and keep coming back if you have to."
And when he said that, it just hit me to this point where I was like, "Oh my God, like, it's so simple. It sounds so simple." But who tells you that? Who tells you that it's okay to go out there and keep getting those setbacks and keep getting those failures and, you know, it's like - that's what he was saying! Like I'm getting chills right now.
Cause it was such an emotional moment for me that I started thinking like, it's okay to keep trying. Keep trying. The more - like when you keep trying, that's actually very successful because when you do, when it doesn't work, or work out the way you want, you do learn something from it. You know, like with, you know, with my TV show, I had a lot of mistakes. That, looking back, I'm like, I'm glad they happened.
Cause they'll never happen again. You know?
Gregory Allan Datu Cendana: Well, one, I appreciate you just sharing your story and your vulnerability. Um, and thank you to Eloy for providing that inspiration for you and thank you for fighting on. Cause, um, as I shared with you, like I introduced my family over the holidays and we were watching old episodes of Cristela.
And I was like, "Yo, that's how she laughs and how she is in person. This show is literally her in like real life." And it was, it was such a proud moment to share with my, with my family. And you were talking about how your family is closed-off. And I definitely have resonance of that with my family. And so just different moments in there.
I was like, yo, like, I appreciate that there is content like this that I could relate to, that my parents and my family could relate to. And it, it, it, it, it opened up lots of, um, good conversation. So I want, I want you to know my parents are, were just excited to be introduced and to learn more about you and the stories that you shared through the show.
Cristela Alonzo: I love that! Oh, I love hearing that. You know, it's so funny too. I think that it's so important. I think that's why when we talk about like "diversity" and we talk about creating different stories and telling our stories, I think that what we always kind of skip over is that, um, diversity comes in many shapes and sizes and versions of everything. But it can always... I think that we need to specify what we mean by "diversity," meaning that, you know - I've heard a lot of the arguments.
And I agree with them, where it's like, you know, a lot of the content that we had growing up - that we still have growing - you know, right now is, uh, white dominated. And it's this like nuclear family, you know? And it, the sitcom is always like happy family, mom, dad, children. Like their biggest problem is like, "Whoa, I've got a birthday party and an office party?
Where do I go?" You know? And there's times where you realize that diversity is actually telling a story about maybe a family having a blackout. Like, you know, like, uh, you know, like they forgot to pay the bills. You know, like that was an episode I always wanted to do. You know, like in my family, um, sometimes we wouldn't pay the light bill because of, because we didn't have money. And we would just have to have days of us playing games and trying to make do with no electricity and stuff.
And, and that's diversity!
Gregory Allan Datu Cendana: Mmmn.
Cristela Alonzo: And, you know, and it's funny cause like that's, that's a different family, that's just like the other family. You know, so we can have those moments of oh, wacky birthday parties, but we can also show how we can all thrive. The whole bottom line is: we're so similar yet different. And we need to find those stories and create that content that shows how similar we are, because right now, especially, especially on social media, we've - we magnify the differences so much.
And you don't realize that really, you know, people used to say like, "As a Latina comic, uh, do you go to states that aren't Latino?" Like that, that don't have like Latino cities, you know? And I'm like, you know, the number one state that I performed in is Wisconsin. Right. And they're like, "Wisconsin?! But you're Mexican! Like, What?!" And I was like, yeah, but I'm also Catholic. I also came, came from like a blue collar family. I also had a strict mother. I also... you know, it's like, it's about identity, right? To me, diversity is about identity and having that variety of identity, you know? So it's like, it's that thing where I love hearing that, you know, that you showed your family the show because it's this thing that I think so many of us think that--
and "so many of us," meaning in the industry, they're like, "Latinos only watch Latinos. Nobody else will watch anybody else." You know, like, "Black shows are for black people. Blah, blah, blah." It's like, it's not true. It's not true. You know?
Gregory Allan Datu Cendana: Not at all, not at all.
Um, you know, and the other thing I wanted to ask you related to kind of the industry is, you know, you were the first Latina to create, to produce and star in your own network sitcom.
Cristela Alonzo: Yeah.
Gregory Allan Datu Cendana: How do you navigate being the first? Or how do you navigate people like putting you in a box, or maybe not knowing much about you? Um, or they think they know so much about you and then can try to define you in a certain way. How do you deal with that?
Cristela Alonzo: Yeah, I'll tell you, I'll be honest. It's, it's actually been very, uh, it's actually been a struggle.
It's uh, you know, a couple things. Like when the show came out, there were so many people, uh, like when the, when the show came out and I was doing standup, there were so many people that didn't know I was a comic, you know? So they were like thinking, "Oh, this actress just thought that she could do stand-up." You know, and it was this thing.
And that actually came because, you know, um, stand up is so... when I was coming up, and it still exists, it can be so segregated. That when I moved to Los Angeles, all the clubs had, you know, predominantly white shows and they would have the token ethnic nights, you know, Latino night, like taco Tuesday, every, you know what I mean, everything.
Right. So when I moved here, there was a booker at a club that said, oh, "No, you have to go do the Latino rooms." Which were bars and restaurants and every, you know, so we all kind of were sent off to do these circuits that we create. That's why people didn't know me. It's not that I wasn't doing the work.
It's just that I was doing the work where I was, where I was, where I could get the work, you know? So it was like that thing where, you know, I kind of came up-- I was touring with everybody, all the big names in stand up. You know, like, you know, it's like the people, you know, I came up with so many people that in stand up that are wildly famous, you know. And nobody really knew of me cause I was doing the outer circles. You know, I was doing like, I was like the moon. They're the planet, I'm the moon. Right. You know? So it's like that thing where it's like, I'm kind of in the neighborhood, but not really. So when the show came out, I realized that when you're the first, no one knows what to do with you. And that's, that's - when you're the first they treat you like, you're this magical creature that you just... they, they're so confused.
They don't know. They're like, "Wait, a brown woman. What do we do to promote this brown woman? We've never had one like this." You know? And I remember, you know, I've spoken about this. Uh, the network, when they were wanting to promote the show, they had pitched, um, talking bus benches in like Boyle Heights in the Latino neighborhood.
And they wanted, um, to put talking bus benches where people would sit down to wait for the bus. And I would promote my show by saying, "Hi, this is Cristela Alonzo. We've got a new show coming out this fall." And I immediately said, "No, we're not doing that. That is so wrong." And this is like 2014. So it's not like I'm saying in 1973, this is like last week.
Right? You know, I was like, "No." And they kind of took it to like, you know, they kind of took it, so many people took it as like, "Oh, she doesn't want the show promoted." You know what I mean? Like, "oh, like we're telling you what happens. Like this is how it works." And I was trying to tell them as a standup comic, I've done all this... the research is touring. And let me tell you, being on the road, nobody wants to have that kind of marketing. Treat me like you would any other show. How would you do any other show? Right? So it was this thing where, what I've learned... and I used to say this all the time when we were shooting the show. I used to tell my closest friends, "I don't know if this show will make it, but the next show after me will have a good run."
Gregory Allan Datu Cendana: Mmmn.
Cristela Alonzo: And that's when you realize a lot of, uh, there've been a lot of opportunities, a lot of like moments in my life, where I've learned that that's the case.
The saying is, what is it like. You, know, "you want to open the door so others can come in." Right? The thing is, is that when you think about it in real life, you never remember the person that holds the door.
Gregory Allan Datu Cendana: Mmmmn.
Cristela Alonzo: You know what I mean? It's like, you know, you got in. But you don't think of the person that held the door for you.
So it was this thing where I realized, and it happens with a lot of like, uh, different groups, you know. So many of us are so new to them, but they don't understand that we've been here. And that we're, we're such a part-- and like such an important part that makes everything work and exist. You know, that, you know, we're still at the point where to so many people, We're, we're so new, they don't know what to do with us.
Right. So it's like that thing, like Jose, you know, Jose Antonio Vargas and I talk about that with being like Filipino.
Gregory Allan Datu Cendana: Yeah.
Cristela Alonzo: You know what I mean? And it's just like this thing where it's like, "wait, what?" Cause it's like, you know, we talk, it's like, it's like, "wait, they're not Latino?" Like they're not, it's like that.
But like, we talk about how-- they talk about so many groups like they're new groups that just existed, you know? And it's just like, we've all been around forever! So my struggle, I think, you know, it's funny, it's like, as a, as the first one, I can tell you that, uh, the good thing is, is that people will pay attention to when I do things. One of the bad things is that, um, they will recognize that I was the first for a week, and then sometimes they move on and they don't remember that it ever happened.
You know, it's kinda like, uh, in the past couple of years, they'll make these lists about "Latina shows," "Latino shows..." and mine's never mentioned.
Gregory Allan Datu Cendana: Mmmn.
Cristela Alonzo: You know, and it was just this thing that just kind of existed. And then it went away, you know? And it's like, because the show after me, the shows after me, they're the ones that got the attention.
Luckily for me, I'm just glad to do the work.
Gregory Allan Datu Cendana: Mmmmn.
Cristela Alonzo: You know, it's like, for me, if I was that person that wanted to chase the fame, I'd be devastated. But for me, the fact that I can do these very specific, almost quirky projects every now and then. Like that I can say "yes," and my reps are like, "why do you want to say yes to this?" And I was like,
"because it's fun!" That's what I like to be at. Uh, you know, to me being the first is... can be difficult, you know? And, and it's just, it is what it is, you know? It's a new layer and a new language that I think I've had to deal with since I realized that I was the first one in 2014.
Gregory Allan Datu Cendana: Um, I appreciate the, the way in which you're just so rooted and grounded in that.
Cause I feel like that, um, you know, in my experience, you know, I grew up as an organizer and in the, um, labor movement and social justice world. And I ended up being a first - like the youngest, or the first gay, openly gay or first Filipino, I'm executive director of different organizations. And I think maybe I was, I was young because I was younger.
I don't think I had that same level of groundedness or rootedness. And so in many ways I was like, okay, I'm the first, but I have all this responsibility now to have to represent all of these communities and people. And now all these people are telling me like, "well maybe you should do it this way, or maybe you should do it that way."
But I'm like - But I'm, we're different because I have a different experience. But now - and admittedly, it was hard to decipher, like what things I should do because I felt like it was the right thing to do, versus people just told me so much that I began to believe that was the right thing. And so I'm grateful now that I've had some time to really experience and, and have some, uh, may able to have that better level of discernment.
Um, and so just to hear you reflect on that, especially in, I imagine, an industry that is, that continues to probably push and sometimes, I'm hearing, erase kind of your experience in that way. Um, just appreciate like, no matter, no matter what, right. That you are clear in who you are, clear in the work and the types of things you want to do.
And I think I want to offer, I want to pull that out as like a thing that is such a boss thing for me, is like, "Okay, no matter what anyone else says, this is who I am. And this is how I'm going to show up in the world. And whether you like it or not, and whether I'm on your list or not, or you actually, you know, name that I'm the first or not, that I'm still going to do me. And that's not going to stop me."
And so I just, that is so inspiring. I'm like, I'm feeling the sense of just like, Yes! Like that's, that is so real. And I hope people can really take that with them.
Cristela Alonzo: You know, it's funny. Because like in stand up, there was a comic years ago - and this is in regards to, um, how, especially right now with like social media, with TikTok, with everything, you know, it's like...
Everybody wants to be loved by everybody. Right? Like people want to go viral and they want to be like, have this following and everything, you know? And, uh, I can't remember who it was, but a comedian years ago said, um, that to be a very successful comic, all you need is to find a thousand people that will go see you in certain cities.
Right. Because that means that you can sell out like a theater. Right. And you can make money to like, y'know. And when you think about it, a thousand people in certain cities is a lot, but it's actually not that much that you need. You don't need the accolades of everybody to actually be able to do what you do.
And you realize that you're like, "oh, I don't need - what is the search of wanting to be liked and loved by everybody?" Because you're right. You know, like you actually bring up a really good point when you were talking about like being the first, like in the organizing space. In so many, you know, so many, um, so many like aspects, parts of it is that I, being the first one, got so much hate from the Latino community... saying that my family was stereotypical, saying that, you know, stereotype, stereotype, "this isn't our fam."
"My family's not like this."
"We don't do this."
Like, "what are you doing?" And I've always said, the show is specifically about my family. You know, I...
Gregory Allan Datu Cendana: It's called Cristela!
Cristela Alonzo: Exactly, right. It's not called, like, Latino Land, right?! Like, it's just like all of us, you know, like, so it was this really weird thing where I'm like, of course I can't represent everybody.
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Cristela Alonzo: Also, you have to understand that my story is very... not the typical story that you're used to hearing when I'm like first-generation Mexican American in a border town right next to... like, you know, my mom couldn't speak English. Like it's so many families like that exist, but you don't see them a lot.
And you know, it used to really bother me. Here's my thing though. First of all, like I've never Googled myself. Right? Never Googled myself. I don't read anything. I don't read any reviews or anything. I... like to me, I'm like, you gotta take the good and the bad if you do that. You know? So I'm like, I don't do it, you know. So, but, uh, it was this weird thing where I realized that so many of the Latinos that were being critical, it was because they're so hungry to have stories told. And we don't get a lot of opportunities. That the stress that some of us get with projects, it feels like it has to be perfect.
Gregory Allan Datu Cendana: Mmmn.
Cristela Alonzo: Because the opportunities are limited. You know? So it's that thing where the opportunities are limited. So everybody wants everything to be something, you know. And the one thing, if they find one thing - and this is obviously not everybody, but the people, you know, this, it goes to the critics, but they find that one thing that doesn't mirror themselves or doesn't seem familiar, then it's like, "Well, this is trash." You know?
And I used to always say, but other shows don't have that, you know, don't have that problem. Like I grew up watching the original Roseanne, and I never looked at it and said, "All white mothers are like that." You know? And it's because we have variety.
Gregory Allan Datu Cendana: Right, right, right. I appreciate you naming that too, because I feel like, you know, and I feel like it's going to be just a whole 'nother podcast, of kind of the experiences from folks who, who share a particular identity with us.
And, and my hope is that, you know, the more of us can see, more people can see that being the first doesn't necessarily mean the only, and that, that is, it is about saying this is the fullness. So yes, Cristela could and should share her story, but, and, and, and others can, should be able to tell their stories and be, and be able to have an opportunity for them, for people to know their nuanced experience.
And so. That is one thing that I at least try to offer to folks that I'm in community with. It's like, look, we have to create space for more of us to share our various experiences with things and that in supporting one of us who maybe was the first, or is becoming the first in something, but that only our hope should be that that creates more doors.
And to your point, whether, and whether or not they recognize who had the door open for them, if... that they know that there's, this is, this is creating more space and opportunity for them.
Cristela Alonzo: Absolutely. And that's what, you know, I think that also, I think that being the first in that aspect really kind of made me, um, it gave me, it gave me, I want to say like the privilege, I guess, of really wanting to make sure that so many of us get the opportunities. You know, it's like, because I knew what it felt like.
And I want others to have that opportunity. You know, and that's why I think I love to speak about how I grew up and, you know, the struggles and like, you know, just how hard it was, but also how cool it is, you know. Because... We talked about it earlier, so many of us are so afraid to, to try, you know. But also, so many of us don't want to try because we don't think we're worthy of trying.
So we have that moment where it's like - and a lot of it comes with, you know, for me, like, you know, it's, it's about background, right? It's about pedigree, you know, and so many worlds, and so many professions, and so many... you know, we always have this, uh, we always have this assumption of what success is, right?
And it's always like Ivy League school, money, everything. And then you end up, you know, that then you have people that are like, "I don't have access to Ivy League schools. You know, I, I can't go to school. I have to help my family out. I have to..." Whatever, you know, it's like, I always say, life gets in the way. You know, of so many things... that you have to understand that that's just life! You know? But it's that thing where so many of us are afraid to try because we start thinking, "well, I'm not what they're looking for."
You know? And it's that thing where that's why I tell people my first language is Spanish. Like I learned English from watching TV! You know, like I, I squatted in an abandoned diner with my family for seven years, you know? And for me, it's like, when I tell the story, it's just like, I got to do it. You know what I mean?
And it's like, we don't, it doesn't matter where we come from, but it matters where we want to go to. You know, and I think that's one thing that we should really focus on a lot when we talk about like, wanting to try. It's like, make sure that you, like, again, like I said earlier, if you have the passion, that trumps like, you know, that's better than formal education. The education comes... right now,
the education comes from anything and everywhere. You know, it's like, do you want to do it? You know, I always say a lifelong dream takes a lifetime. That's why it's called a lifelong dream. There's no end to it. There's no end to the dream. As long as you keep doing the dream, that's the lifelong dream!
Gregory Allan Datu Cendana: Right, right.
Um, I appreciate you naming that and leads me to the next kind of question I would love to ask you about, and you know, it, I know you use, you use your platform to speak out about this, but it's an unfortunate truth that comparatively women are paid less than men. People of color are paid less than white people.
And then women of color are paid less than white women. What has, you know, what has worked for you when advocating for your worth? And is there any advice that you would offer, especially for those of us coming from working class, poor immigrant families and backgrounds in doing so? Because I feel like this is something that, um, many people are curious about.
Cristela Alonzo: You know, to me, uh, I don't know, you know, it's like, you never know what you're worth, but you know... what you're not worth.
So when you feel something like when you get something offered and you realize, "no, I can do better than that." You have to go with that. I always say that in this business, I will always say "no" to things... if I'm willing to walk away from them and not ever think about it again. Right. So example, when I had the show, we're doing the contract for the show. And the show is called Cristela, and the show is about my life.
And I had a co-creator and he was a white guy and he got so much more money than I did, because he had written before. And I was just the scrappy kid, you know, coming in or whatever. "Scrappy kid," meaning mid thirties, you know what I mean? So it's like, you know, it's like the scrappy kid that didn't know what to do, except that she sold and created an idea that was based on her life. Right? So we get to this point, I remember we're on a phone call and it's like, uh, my, my agent's there, my lit agent and I are talking. It's the final offer for the contract. And the final offer was, they wanted to offer me Supervising Producer. Supervising Producer on a show is mid-level. You don't even get to be like an Executive Producer, like Creator or anything.
They just wanted to give me Supervising Producer. So immediately I'm like, wait a minute. If this is my world and the world does not exist with me, then why the hell am I getting halfway? And immediately I'm like, "Nope, not going to do it." And my agent was like, "What?" And I'm like, "I'm not doing that." That I was like, "Nope, that's trash. Not doing it."
And he was like, you know, there's that thinking where people are like, "But this is... you should, you should be happy with what you're getting!" Right? That idea. Like you should be happy. This is like your show. Nope. I'm like, "Nope, nope, nope, not enough." And I remember we went back and forth a couple of times. Then he said, "They said this is the final offer.
So are you going to take it or leave it?" And I told him, "I'm leaving it. I'm not going to do this. I don't want it." And again, it goes back to the thinking, like, if I'm going to do it, I'm going to do it my way. And I'm going to do it... I have to do it the way that it speaks to me, you know? And he was like, "Are you sure?
Because if they don't come back, then it's gone." And I was like, "Yeah, I'm sure. Because if I got it one time, I'll get it again." And he was like, "Okay." And like, we hung up. And I was like, that was it. Like, I, you know, I started thinking, all right, well, that's, that's not, for me. Two days later, they come back and they give me like the Executive Producer. Like, you know, every, you know what, you know, the "co-created by".
I'm like, "Okay. That's... yes, thank you." You know? And it's like, why are you trying to, why, why are you trying to sell me short on something? That's my creation. That's my experience. That's my life. And I started thinking, it's because you get away with it.
Gregory Allan Datu Cendana: Mmmmn.
Cristela Alonzo: You know? And it's like, it's so, you know what I did, when my show got canceled, there were a lot of, uh, Latino writers that would DM me.
And because after my show, it was hot for Latino writers. There were like a lot of Latino writers that sold shows the year after my show was, you know, had been on the air. And there were like Latino writers that reached out to me, to ask me questions about contracts. You know, like, the deals. And I met with some of them and I told them, I'm like, "anything beneath this, is beneath you. Always ask for more."
And that's what, you know, for me, I think it's very important to talk about money and contracts with other people that are in that world, because we need to share the information. We can't, um, be so precious and not tell each other what we got paid and stuff, because that's how we realize the discrepancies that exist.
You know, and we have to be honest with each other and say, "Hey, that's crap. You're worth more than that. And this is what they're trying to do right now to minimize you. You're not going to do that, ask for this." And that's how you, that's how you make the change. You know, with the, you know, with, with inequality, when it comes to pay, it's like we have to share that info with each other. Because we all need to know.
"Hey, that's - that's dumb. Like, you know, low-level other guy got so-and-so and you're doing all this work." That's how we do it. You know what I mean? So for me, I'm very open with, you know, the questions about like money and everything and what I'm getting. And, and I, I'll, I'll, I will be honest and tell you when I'm not getting a lot of money. Because people need to know.
Gregory Allan Datu Cendana: I appreciate you naming that and sharing that. Um, one, I guess, a follow-up to that is I meet a lot of people who, especially who come from similar, like working family immigrant backgrounds, who are like, "well, I don't, I don't know if I'm in a position to say no," or "I don't know if I'm in a position to not take an opportunity, if it means that I'll be able to, you know, put food on the table or this will pay another months month's rent."
Um, so how, what do you tell people who are like, struggling with that? It's like, uh, do I, even if maybe I know that this is not paying my worth or paying, paying what I think I I'm, I should be getting paid, like, and who are navigating that tension of like, if that's the case, should I still do it, but I, am I going to get another opportunity?
I don't know. I kind of, what, what do you offer to, to those folks?
Cristela Alonzo: You take it.
Gregory Allan Datu Cendana: Mmmn.
Cristela Alonzo: If you're struggling, if it's about putting food on the table, you take it. Because it's also like when I think about it in that aspect, I start thinking what's better? Doing a job like that, that will pay, that gets me into that field? Or gets me into that world? Or going to serve at a restaurant.
You know what I mean? Like, and I say that personally, cause I was, I was a server for years. You know, like, it's always like my, my default job, you know what I mean? So it's like that thing where it's like, you have to pick and choose because even a job that you might, you know, if you're coming up, you can say yes to something and be in that sphere... that is better than having to do a job that's completely out of the world that will also get you the same outcome, which is, you know, paying bills and surviving. It's all about survival until you don't have to. Survival is at the bottom basic necessity. Survival, survival, survival. Then after you get in, you know, what's next after survival is actually like what I call kind of like "understanding."
And that's like that level where you understand that you no longer have to work like you did before, because survival kills people. So when we can, actually, when we're fortunate enough, enough to get out of survival and go into like the understanding, we need to be kinder to each other and take care of ourselves, you know?
And then, you know, and I think for me, like in that situation, that question, that's kind of like the understanding level. Where you can do those jobs. Do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself, but understand that all you have to do... I always say in any business, you can't control what the outcome is going to be fully.
Um, don't be a jerk. Be nice to people. Uh, you know, like in standup, I always say I don't, uh, I don't drink or, you know. Like, I don't, like, when I'm at work, I treat it like I'm at work. Right. So it's like, a lot of comics will have a beer or whatever. They'll drink onstage and that's not my thing. Right. And it's like, for me, it's just not my thing.
Right. But it's like, don't be a jerk. Be nice to people, make sure that you treat your work like it's a work environment, where you want to give it your all. And then, you know, um, when you end up in those jobs that you want to say yes to, because you're surviving and you're in that world, understand that you can meet other people that will get you out of that world. That you can like start meeting people that will eventually get you into the place that you want.
But you got to do that. You know, also though, you have to be aware that any opportunity that you're getting, though it might not be something that you connect with. Just understand like, "okay, are they paying me an amount that I can be happy with?" Meaning that they acknowledged that I have the skill in this world to do it.
That should be something that keeps you going. And then you get to the point where you realize, okay, I've done it X amount of time. I can't do it for this amount anymore. Now just by laws of nature, gotta go a different level up. And you know, but it's a slow progression, you know? And I think we have to be, we can't beat ourselves up about not, you know, about where we are, where we should be, because again, it's like, everybody's on their own different plan.
Gregory Allan Datu Cendana: Right. Right. No, I, um, that's something that I also, it also took me some time to learn. I started working as, at 15, I was a newspaper delivery person. I worked at Togo's and Baskin-Robbins, I would tell people I'm like, I am the best sandwich maker and ice cream scooper you will find. And if I knew you, you may or may not have gotten a little bit bigger of a scoop.
Um, but you know, I...
Cristela Alonzo: You would!
Gregory Allan Datu Cendana: You definitely would. You definitely would. And I think that was, that was a struggle for me because I think because I grew up, um, with my family being like, "You need to be grateful for what you have," that, that shift of being like, "I am grateful, and I also deserve more," was a, was a hard, was a hard transition to make.
And it wasn't until I was able to be in multiple positions where I was like, okay. And to your point, when I started hearing almost like, "wait, some of these people are making how much? And I'm doing way more than what they're doing, and they're getting paid that much?!" And so it was, it was because people were so open and willing to share that and creating more of an environment to help people say, "look, this is how we support each other, is by sharing and communicating."
And so I wanted to just to circle back to that, because I think that was, I think that is a thing I'm trying to take and trying to be open with folks because people are like, "okay, well we want to start our own consulting business." Or, "we want to be able to do this, can you share more?" And I, I try to, as much as possible, to be able to provide that because I wish I knew some of these things earlier, but I'm, I'm glad I know it now.
And if there's a way that I can support others in navigating this space, then I want to offer that. And another question I want to ask, cause I think it's been coming up a lot around comedy. So comedy, of course, there's lots of entertainment value to it, but I, I think, and I think it's becoming increasingly, a a critical political platform for folks.
Um, what, what do you tell people who are navigating a tension of understanding that having a platform could and is a privilege and the potential of getting canceled? Or not, or not, or having to like, not be your full self? Like what is, what is the, um, and how do you navigate that as you are doing, doing standup and shows across the country?
Cristela Alonzo: You know, to me, I'll be really honest. I never think about cancel culture at all. I don't have a problem with it. I like, to me, it's just like, I always say, uh, don't say anything that you can't defend.
Gregory Allan Datu Cendana: Mmmn.
Cristela Alonzo: But also, apologize if somebody is offended. You know, meaning that, by that, it's like, look, there's a level.
I actually talked about it a little bit in the, in the special I recorded and I taped. Where there's a difference, right? Um, I told the story in my standup about how something that happened. And the point is that it happened like decades ago when I was mad about it. Right? And I told my friend about it and my friend's like "Well, it happened so long ago.
Why are you mad now?" And I'm like, "Because I just realized it was messed up now," you know? And it's that, that conversation about how like time evolves and we realize that we have to evolve with it. There are certain things that we can't say anymore. There are certain things, ideas that we need to change, you know?
And that just goes to say that we're never done learning. You know, so it's this thing where like, you can't just graduate from high school and never learn a new thing for the rest of your life. That's not life. So for me, I always say there are people on social media that would love to pick a fight for you, like over everything.
Right. It's just like, if it's brown mustard, it's like, "oh no brown mustard. Why does it have to be brown?" Like, you know what I mean? It's just, it's like all of these like arguments that you're like, we're spending way too much time on this. But then you actually have these conversations about certain words, you know, about like, you know, like when a group tells you that something isn't correct -- the whole group is telling you -- understand that maybe you have to listen.
And tell people, "I wasn't aware, I didn't know." We have to keep learning, but we also have to allow people to make mistakes. Right. I think that, you know, um, the difference is though, is that when people make mistakes and apologize, you can tell when they mean it. You know, it's kinda like, what is it? It's that thing on, on, uh, social media when, when somebody messes up. And I'm like, and then people will be like, "Oh, the Notes app apology is coming!"
Like, you know what I mean? It's like, it's that every time I see like a Notes app apology, I start imagining the person just on their phone. Like, you know what I mean? There's something about it. That's so weird, you know. But I've always said, um, I've always said that, you know, having grown up the way that I did in a border town, my whole world were just Mexicans, Mexican Americans.
So I lived in such a bubble. Then having to grow up, I really just had to be open to everything and understand the world and be open to learning. So right now the point that we're at in standup... as long as you're honest and be true to yourself, you'll be okay. If there are things that you're saying that human beings are not comfortable with, then maybe you have to think about why they're struggling with it.
Because overall comedy is about the reaction of the audience. And if the reaction of the audience isn't, isn't what you want... maybe you should wonder why it's not. Because that's what stand-up is. It's a conversation. When I'm on stage, the jokes that I do, that's my side of the conversation. The audience laughing, that's their part of the conversation.
So for me, it's like, hey! You also don't have to be so deep, you know? Like Seinfeld talks about forks, fast food, you know, like that's who he is, you know. Unless it's really ingrained in you to talk about certain issues, you don't have to do that. You don't have to do it to try to be popular. You don't have to do it to get clicks.
Like, you know, because I always say that, especially like, uh, with a lot of like, uh, you know, like social justice, a lot of current events, a lot of issues, you know, a lot of people love to talk. Right. And then they say something that's really messed up. And you realize you never took a minute to really think about what you're saying, because you just wanted to upload that video that made you feel like you were all powerful and stuff.
And then people are like, "yo, what are you saying? Why are you saying that?" Like you know? You realize that unless it comes with true, like, with pure intent, and you're willing to change and evolve with time, then, you know, you're going to fail miserably. It's kinda like, uh, technology, right? When technology comes out, new technology, we adapt to it.
We went from like using phone, phones at home to the internet. Now we have all these social media things. Now we're so connected and everything, but we adapted. Because times changed. There are people out there that are like, like, "screw the internet, I'm using the phone!" Right. Like, you know what I mean? "I don't know why the Internet's using the internet, like, phones are where it's at!" Apply that to like humans, people, you know?
And that's how we change. So for me, it's like, when I hear people talk about cancel culture... you know, comics. And you know, it's like, look, you can say whatever you want, but understand that other people can say what they want. And by that is by that, I mean, criticize you. They're saying what they get to, they're getting to say what they want, which is to say that they don't like what you're saying.
Gregory Allan Datu Cendana: Right? Yeah. I, I appreciate that. Cause I feel, well, one, I'm, I'm, uh, realizing or taking that it's important to evolve. Like it's okay to evolve. That there is lots of learning. And you know, one thing that I used to say a lot when I was doing - as a student organizer is that there's going to be so much more that we learn beyond the four, four walls of a, of a classroom and that we should take that kind of humility and take that kind of energy through the rest of our lives, because there's always something that we could take from every person that we meet from every experience or situation that we're in.
Um, and I think that you kind of alluded to it, but like part of the social media challenge is that sometimes people don't take that -- they take that opportunity for granted sometimes. And because, in service of, of, of the likes or the, or the, the clout that sometimes that, um, process of discernment and reflection isn't necessarily always there.
And that is something that I, I'm, I'm also reminding myself, but also watching when I, when I see it happen in real time on social media, I'm like, "Ooh... You probably didn't mean it to land that way."
Cristela Alonzo: Yes, yes.
Gregory Allan Datu Cendana: But it definitely landed that way.
Cristela Alonzo: And it's funny. Cause like, uh, Dolores Huerta told me years ago, like how in the movement space, we all have to find out what we're good at.
Right? Not all of us can do the same thing. You know? Uh, some people give money. And that's what they're really good at. You know, other people like to phone bank to get people to vote. Some people have the megaphone and they'll speak at the events. Some people design the posters. You know, everybody's got a job, but everybody finds out where we're good.
Right. So stay doing what you're good at. And understand that, you know, unless you really have something to say, you know, where you, where it comes from here, and it doesn't come from a hashtag, you know, then, then go ahead and speak it, you know? But there's a difference, you know. You have to understand where you're at, like where, like, and I mean, like, just as a person, like where are you? I understand that you want to, you know, like, uh, you know, I, I know that you want to go viral on Now This...
But sometimes we gotta design the posters.
Gregory Allan Datu Cendana: Yes. Um, you know, I'm, I'm glad you brought up Dolores Huerta. That, because I feel like this kind of connects to the next, the, the, the question, the next, the last question I want to ask you around, um, you know, there are clearly people like Dolores and other folks who came before us, um, who helped paved the way, who helped continue to mentor and "fem-tor" us, I like, as I like to say. And so, as you think about the next generation of creatives, of comedians, of writers, of activists, um, what is one thing you've, you've, you, you've learned from elders that you want to make sure you pass on? Um, or what is, what is some advice that you would offer to this next generation?
Cristela Alonzo: You know, that's actually another Dolores thing, that she told me once that really stayed with me. You know, and that's the thing about Dolores, right? Is that she throws these nuggets out, like she's ordering at a drive-through. And you're just like, "oh my God, this is amazing." Right? So like Dolores was telling, she talks about how... she was talking about how her greatest, her greatest, uh, accomplishment, one of the things that she just loves to see is when people come into their power.
Gregory Allan Datu Cendana: Mmmn.
Cristela Alonzo: And it's about not making them come into their power, they do it themselves. You know, uh, the quote for her, I'm going to paraphrase it. But it's like, "Every moment is an organizing moment." Every one, you know, and it's that thing where she was describing how at house meetings, when she speaks, when she meets people, she does what she does.
She says what she says. And then you see the people that really get it. But like it, where it speaks to them. And you see them going out to do that work themselves, you know, and that's when they come into their own power.
Gregory Allan Datu Cendana: Mmmmn.
Cristela Alonzo: You know. So for me, the theme of this conversation, I mean, it's about like sharing information and being open with each other, to have these honest discussions. Because you never know that one thing that you say that can spark and change, or just speak to somebody on such a different level. And it's not your job to know. Your job isn't to try to fabricate power. Your job is to be yourself, speak from the heart and let them take what, what they want from your words. You know, that's what it's about. Like, people like to, sometimes people like to refer to me, like, they'll, they'll ask me if, uh, you know, can we use "activist" for you? And I'm not kidding, to me, I just feel like that is something that one doesn't choose to be. That is something that others see you as. You know? And it's this thing where I never feel comfortable saying that I'm one. But if other, if somebody wants to say that about me, I can't control that. That's their perception of me. But all you can do is just speak the truth and keep speaking from the purest of intention. And understand you're, you'll make mistakes.
Cause again, we're all evolving and we all have, you know, we are so connected in a world where now we're learning so much more about people that we didn't know before. So there's a grace period. But sometimes just know that anything you say can just spark something in someone else and you don't have to try.
Gregory Allan Datu Cendana: Mmmn.
What a beautiful, um, way to end such a heartwarming and inspirational conversation, Cristela, thank you. Thank you for being a boss. Thank you for speaking your truth. Thank you for coming into your power and for helping others do the same. Um, I feel so grateful to know you and be in community with you, and I'm excited about more folks, um, hearing and learning and, um, and growing and coming into their power too, because of this conversation and your continued presence in our world.
So thank you.
Cristela Alonzo: Ah, thank you so much. I love you. I think everything you do is so great. Your energy is just... well, what I've learned in the past couple of years, I always tell people when I just, whenever I think of something to tell someone, I want to let them know. And I just feel like your energy and your personality and everything is just so needed in so many spaces, that I love that I know you.
Gregory Allan Datu Cendana: Awww, thank you, Cristela.
Gregory Allan Datu Cendana: Thank you for checking out the #BeTheBossNow Podcast with your host Gregory Allan Datu Cendana, President and Co-Founder of Can’t Stop! Won’t Stop! Consulting. We believe you CAN and WILL be a stronger entrepreneur embracing fear, honoring failure, and remaining humble enough to be teachable.
Check out our book, this podcast, and other resources available for those of you current or aspiring bosses at BeTheBossNow.com. Be sure to follow Can’t Stop! Won’t Stop! Consulting and myself on all major social media platforms @CSWSconsulting and @gregorycendana. More information can be found on our website at CSWSConsulting.com.
The Can’t Stop! Won’t Stop! Consulting team would like to thank the following people who were critical to the production of the #BeTheBossNow Podcast:
Vanessa Shiliwala of Thrive Spice Media, Executive Producer
melissa kelley colibri, accessibility coordinator
darryn rousseau hollifield and Stephanie Chao, American Sign Language Interpreters
All my family, friends, educators, and anyone–including the naysayers–who played a role in shaping the boss I am today.
This is for you and for you and everyone with an idea of starting a business, let this be a guide, light, and motivation. We all can be the boss NOW.